Monday, August 13, 2007

She is the Girl.

Everyday, there are more people that seem similar in many ways. Features and color does nothing to make a noticeable difference. It was a wholesale of beings with similar face and one blind color. Nothing distinguishes anyone from each other.

Until some star chart drove one occasion that made me meet a very special girl. She was another pretty face but when she began to espouse her mind. She has a heart in her brain and a brain with a heart. She has the wit and the intelligence that combines a powerful personality of new age renaissance person. Intelligence she obviously picked up from the streets and has the faculty of scholarly developed consciousness.

It was a uniqueness, which captured everything that I held back for many years. I was trying to resolve the rush in my brain. Calculating what she has. Every word she uttered held my attention deeper. That sweet smile does not keep me fixed on her. Her mind is like a magnet. She is like a new creature in this ocean of perfectly cloned realm of creatures.

It was a long time since; I found a new star that shines. When I saw her brightness in distance. There was a blush inside that reminds me the sum of my despondency. The potential of getting another heart ache is evident. I was moving in a direction that will put me once again in a quagmire. I am drowning in my own emotion that will make things complicated. Nurturing a feeling will make it more complicated.

I might lose that eye for a bright star. I will lose that friendship. I will look funny. I began to miss her. She is really different and wonderful enough to be in my mind all the time. The distance is imperative. I am falling for her.

One day, I was in a bus traversing the distance from my office to a well appointed home. I had this epiphany that is growing in my mind. I was to propose to her. Knock on her window. Tell her every tiny emotion that I had inside. Even appear stupid by singing with action. I knew she will like those things (jologs). Then approach her and kneel down. To tell her that it is a one shot deal. It will be a hit and miss thing. If I hit it – it becomes big. I miss my lucky star- I lose it. I will turn my back and never to look back again. If you asked me to stopped and look back at you. It means you are giving me a chance. You will become my girlfriend.

After a while, I heard the bus stopped. I had to wake up in my sleepless dream. It works only in the movies. There are no cameras or lights. It was worse that there is no background music to make that scene romantic or emotional.

Dreams are cheap. I continued to dream again with my eyes wide open. This time she is in a white dress. I just put a smile on my face that even in my dreams I can make happy things happen. Anyway, I think of her and it makes me happy.

She is like happiness in flesh and blood. Dream is only an imagined reality. There in my dream I am happy because that is the only time I get to be with her.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Placebo Effect

A lady from my home country is here for a contract project. She is part of a project as a programmer and she goes home almost every two weeks. The set-up is quite unique and difficult.It is tedious. Then she told us that she has a sick child. As a single parent, the kid will need all the attention she can give during the medical treatment. The topic was centered on her child, whom she can not leave for a long time. Given the offer she has been getting from different companies here. She always go back home every two weeks. She has to let go of the other opportunities that come her way.

Her only child is sick with leukemia. As explained by the doctors to her. It is hereditary to have cancer. Almost every other week they would rush the child to the hospital. But at this time, she is grateful for her child has remained stable.

Just a few months ago, I remember my brother who died of cancer. At the age of 15, he was taken from us. Though it has been years, I still remember how he suffered from the pain of the illness. The pain was so much that morphine was used at the last stage. Sometimes the pain was terrible that the even with Nubain or morphine would not suffice. Sometimes early in the morning my brother would ask for the pain killer but the pain killer can only be administered when it is really necessary. My mother will pretend that she administered the pain reliever just to make my brother feel comfortable. Pretend- as in act out that she was injecting something in to the I.V. tube. It made him sleep well. That was placebo effect and very effective at that moment.

Placebo effect is important in cases like cancer. There are many instances that placebo makes the difference, sometimes even the cure of cancer is a result of placebo. A miracle is close to a placebo effect.

Placebo is a Latin word which means” to walk with the Lord" which was mistakenly translated in to English as “to please". In modern medical practice it has come to refer to medicines without any curative value or medicines "more to please than benefit the patients".

Contemporary medicine practitioner uses the placebo. Just like when a person has a flu or viral colds, an antibiotic is administered when it has really little or no effect at all as a cure.

Placebo is moving towards the new medical science with respect. For example, it has been known now as a self healing process of the body. New doctors are making use of this phenomenon to help in curing the patient. An emphatic interaction helps in advancing the cure of the patients. This is evident in most cancer patients. Remember, the television advertisement on the touch of a mother makes the baby feel comfortable. That again is placebo in action.

There is a thin line to differentiate a miracle or a placebo effect. Both thrive on faith. A little faith and a little hope will make you heal yourself. Also gives you -an outlook brighter than the morning sunshine. That alone makes the patient and the people around the patient smile. To think about tomorrow and to think that everything will be fine. That is so important to someone who is sick and the people who love the patient. Placebo is not just a term that medical professionals need to deal with but part of a human spirit of never giving up.It is the natural instinct that all creatures on earth has to hold.In order to preserve life and to boldly survive and triumph in the troubled world of human existence....


The 2007 Election

The Election
The New Year is crucial to Philippine politics it will pave way for a new political landscape or just insurance for the Gloria Macapagal Arroyo leadership to stay in the seat of power.

This election will make a difference if most of her allies will be elected in the parliament and the senate. Then she is assured of another round of leadership without the problem of another impeachment. However, if her party or allies can not make the majority in the legislative body. It may mean her leadership is in a very fragile state again.

Gloria has been known to be at the helm of making the election an affair similar to David Copperfield making the Statue of Liberty disappear. You will see magic in broad daylight yet you just can not explain how it happened.

New alliances will happen and new enemies will be created. This will be a time for an expensive election. Every inch of every municipality will not be left to chance. Every municipality will be guarded by the administration for any weakness in their politically strategy. The daily changes in the political positioning will be dealt with an immediate remedy.

Remedy as in bringing the magician's gallon hat. To make the rabbit appear out of nowhere or as an alternative to the rabbit is the pigeon. For sure, flying voters will be flown in just like the pigeon.

The magician’s wand is not limited to administration pets. Some opposition in the Philippine politics is so weak that despite their commitment to serve will be unnoticed to the masses. It lacks the appeal and funding. If ever the candidate may resort to vote buying. Some notorious politician regardless of political affiliations only has one goal and that is to win. Certain cheating will have to be done to assure that goal is completed.

This is crucial to the administration. This election will not be left to chance. The opposition will find a tough fight. In terms of funding, what was usually a tradition of business men supporting both the administration and the opposition will provide a limited funding to opposition. Since, this administration have been seen to be useful in bending the laws to support those who helped them in times of crisis and further bend the law to incarcerate the enemies. It is wise to support the administration. The administration may not ask for funding from the private sector but a message was sent in the tradition of Bush war strategy; Shock and all - either you are with us or you are an enemy.

Since businessmen have been getting this message since last year and during the impeachment proceeding. That if this administration is shaken,it retaliates with a more shock and shake the investor's business life attitude.

An election as crucial as this year. Goons or guns are not necessary in this modern time. Somewhere and somehow it will manage to make the necessary action to rectify loose ends to determine victory for the administration. Along the trail, it will manage to cheat.

To picture out this election as an Erap and Gloria election is wrong. This is no longer just a matter of Erap being put back to power but more of sending Gloria out of the Malacanang Palace. Erap is just an incidental character here. It is circumstantial that he is the only leader in the opposition who is identified with masses. At this time, they need the support of the masses. Some of the opposition lacks the charm to win the general electorate.

This election is really to bring down the Arroyo leadership. This is the key message of this election. This election is an imprimatur of people whether they still want Arroyo. This will break or make this cute administration of Gloria Arroyo. The more votes for the opposition, the more it becomes apparent that the public wants the present leadership to leave Malacanang.

Other than that is a twist to build the story to complete the climax. The May election will determine so much about the administration of Arroyo.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Bintang (malay word for star)

Darkness does not come early in Malaysia. Yet when it comes, the stars are shining brightly. Each seems very near and could be annex by a thin line;the same way a map is interconnected. So near yet so far.Though their distance are millions and millions of miles from each other.Look straight it feels like they are like siblings reaching for each other or lovers hugging each one for warmth and love.

My ancestors have travelled far and wide to reach a place they can call home. From my father side, they are spanish painters. Settled in Pandacan, Manila to sell paintings to the fellow espanol. On my mother side, they came from all over. I grew up in a place, where I heard different languages. I heard spanish, english,hookien,mandarin,tagalog, ilonggo and Ilocano.The distinction between them is not obvious as I grow-it is hard to tell which one is mandarin and hookien from tagalog to spanish.It seems all fell in to my ears just like a binary language to a computer.I understand them.

That is home to me. In every words that were uttered was like a perfect fire that makes me feel the warmth in my heart. It was like the line that interconnects the stars in a constellation map. My family are the stars under one roof. Those rough oftentimes sweet mix of tongues connects the stars in my home. That connection makes the fire for us to feel that someone cares. To provide the heat to every cold human body.

Now the distance is further and further. I am now lonely and sad. I can not feel the warmth of home and the intensity of communications. The silk like embrace of a baby cousin or a nephew is what I miss most.I feel like in the middle of a naked singularity-a black hole where stars, light or air are not allowed to survive. That empty space in the galaxy is inside me now.

A firefly would come to the nearest source of light,just like a firefly.As I am right now doing the same thing wanting to crawl out of a quagmire of cold darkness and to the nearest light. Wanting to survive each minute to tell the world there is more of me. There is more I can be but something is stopping me. I am stopping myself because I can not be a source of fire nor a star to myself.My other stars are far from me. My light is not sufficient to make my present house warm nor the languages is sufficient to produce the decibels to make a wave of soundwaves to penetrate my eardrums and my soul.

Never felt this way, It was something new to me. I will survive this chaos inside. I was tough like a gold even before I stepped in to a consciousness of self doubt.Like an old carbon turning in to a diamond, better yet an old silver coming to a shine again. Yup I had my shine but loss it . I can make it again. The shine will be there again.

I made a big difference before. I made an impact before. There is no reason not to make that dent. In the environment where I am revolving, in my own galaxy;I will claim and rule with distinction and honor.

I will create my own galaxy. Then each stars will be close to me. To make my home brighter than what I have now.There is always a new way to create a star.It is always around the corner.I can feel it to be near....a new star is always born and that new star will be near me to help me make the light and warmth needed to continue blazing in to a living life.Let that inspiration come to me once more to be the star to guide me in my journey. To light up the road for me.I will become that new born star for myself and will find another one as I need someone to keep me warm too and for me to keep someone warm also.I will be shining brightly to a make my new audience a witness to a new feat of my capabilities.

Monday, January 22, 2007

The precious moments

It was a moment when all that I cherish were falling in pieces. Nothing seems to lift my spirit. Not even the smile that I make is a laugh out of heart and lungs but of an empty brain,wishing someone and something could be sensitive and real. Real in a sense that what I have at the moment is superficial, I need sincerity from a special person and to be at ease with someone.

Nothing best describe my feeling everytime I see her other than-inspiration. She seems to know what I am feeling. Deep inside I also know what she is feeling but she continue to shroud it as change is difficult to some people.I know what she is thinking in her mind.First, I would like to discuss what she is to me. For some reason,we sometimes do not have to speak our gestures is enough to express.We are at ease with one another.

I would like to nurture what connects us together. Let it grow ,to bring out the best in us. Not only temporary but also in the most days of our inspiring lives. Deep inside in our quiet form, we carry the potential to be sweeter than the sweetest sugar on this planet when expressing our feelings. On how to make the sweetest part of us get together seems to be a burden left on my part. Trying to devise a scheme that will make our lives closer as than before.If you look at a map,you will see lines,connecting each streets to give direction.I will make that lines that will connect me to her. Shortest distance between two points is a line.I shall create one.I have the fire to reach her heart. I am not going to make that fire get extinguish by intimidation from the previous people who also made it difficult for me to cope because they are more of mongers than human beings.

She is sensitive and the sweetest person I met in my lifetime.Her personality seems to draw people nearer to her beauty and I can feel her uncommon kindness. A future with her will not be difficult.

Tick, tack, tick, tack, is my time running out. Trying to remember the music that I used that made me win hearts of women. That scheme is old ,it is for a common woman. This woman is extra-special and she gathered what I really wanted in a girl. I have to approach her in the most conscious way, finding the key to that scheme is an emotionally technical endeavor. A calculated approach,otherwise losing her will be the most frustating part of my life.

This is not just another woman as an object for a rebound but this is the real thing. Every moment is a calculated risk, wearing a perfect loving heart to show her in my most imperfect me. Love is my strongest weapon that directed me to manifest the uniqueness of my friendship and expression.

All that went into my life is a learning moment and right now is the moment that I will prove what I learned in my lifetime ,the value that I will put in everything that I offer with my emotion.

Complicated in a way, difficult in every second but easy if we are in the same direction. All honesty and all sincerity is present. Nothing is small or big everything is important.

Plant needs water,if you leave it. Someone else will water it for you. The plant you never water will not remember you,but it remembers better the one who gave the water everyday. You may have made a familiarity with the plant but it is not that familiarity that nurtured it , it is the everyday of care that makes it grow and the moment when it is cold and lonely that whoever makes it warm it remembers. It remembers the one who put water more than the one who is far yet loving.

This is the time that makes sinking our heart in a quagmire for many valid reasons. We rationalize. We protect. You see-we protect the situation not the people involve in the situation. It is common denial stage of human beings. Out of pride or out of need,fear of change, fear of learning and out of fear in adjusting again. We are an open target of the dictates of societal ego tripping and psychological bonding.We sometimes stick it out,because of what people will say. Psychological bonding, trapped in our world for fear of losing or hurting some.For fear of making a change and adjusting again.What is love,where you can not find it to be near,where is love when you can not feel it. If it can not make you feel that emotion near or a heartbeat away from you or fill in the gap or give warmth on a coldest night and a bridge you can rely on at times of trouble. What purpose does it serve? The reality is that we can not touch what is far from us, what we really want is someone to be there, a touch that will keep us warm and secure. A touch that will pamper us, a touch that will make two beings becoming one...not in distance but up close and personal. I would say,.....I do not want to discuss further. I told her about it already.

I saw my day brigthen and renewed because of that special woman. She likes pink and red,pink is a color of gentleness and red is color of love. A combination perfect to her personality-she is pretty in pink. Always pretty...

She is my inspiration and I adore her more than I have adored someone. Somehow fate works in the most mysterious way. I remember someone doing some reading on me telling at this moment, I will have someone special. I said who is she, the person replied she is brunette.Hell, I do not know anyone with a brunette hair.The american psychic reader said she wants red.Hmmm...the fortune teller was referring to red color and pink. The second reading with another person said the same thing, without saying anything to them.hayy..this my life at the moment in Malaysia....I am far from home. The good thing about life here is her-I found my inspiration. Thank you whoever made me meet her..I can make my life better. I am inspired to do it because of her. I hope I can be there for her all the time.