Saturday, October 23, 2004

Some people.....

In this one big planet we are all created equal. Equal in the sense that each have a certain ability to contribute to the planet’s progressive growth. As each creature has this genius unique to himself, a faculty and skills that will create the person’s character and personality.

Admittedly, as one person is not perfect we see differences. Sad to say, even a basic comprehension to letters and literature seems to be distorted by an intellectually challenge person - that interpretation of a particular thought in a message is distorted.Evidence that we are indeed different from one another. This is more obvious in some people who exhibit this lack or limited faculty to comprehend. As a result of this inability, that person does not mature easily to the norms of a normal world. What is wrong maybe right for that person because there is no way for that person to compare right from wrong. We just have to extend pity to this person. According to this person’s unique environment and brain he is right. Sometimes, even if he knew he is wrong deep inside his ego would cheat his mind to express his weird character and an attitude full of conceit.

Then people unleash characters that resemble a prehistoric personality of the mind. When logic is blown to oblivion, this individual becomes unwittingly or wittingly nuissance and barbaric parasites in co-existing with people.Devouring everything that can be consumed and anything that gives opportunity to take advantage of another person to the detriment of another being.They are like vampires, who bleeds others to survive. They are even worse because they also think of themselves as righteous.

They create a different world, a very different world. A confined world; where they see only their need and greatness but never the need of others. They are inconsiderate and because they are inconsiderate they are ungrateful. They do not see the past, what they only see is what they need at the moment. Ungrateful people are neither worth a penny nor a second to spare. Now, they have isolated themselves from people. This is best for them, for a while or in a large part of their diurnal existence they have a phantom of their own world. It may not be a bliss that you may call but a sublimity of their own selfish fantasy.Their own fantasy... America, America, that is all what we hear. Just to give emphasis to the migration they will always squeeze it in between topics.No matter how irrelevant. What a wonderful way to tell people, we are going to America.” We are somebody”. They will utter that whenever we discuss things with them.Pity,they do not know how to live a life and to co-exist.They should have stayed in the mountains where they rightfully belong.I pity America,if they come to inhabit the land of milk and honey.They can spoil the milk.Good thing honey does not spoil.

(a reply I made to one person who think of himself as a mini-god in the office with a wife made of bubbles and fats)


The paradoxes of life is being in a place you least want to be present yet only to find out that it would be something of a grace wrap in that very paradoxes. What I thought before as ironically difficult remains to be difficult yet I remember that I always managed to go beyond that reality and distance my troubles away.

Here in a foreign land and in a culturally different nation, I found some spice not only in food but also in life. I saw a purpose that meant so much to me, a sort of closure that I cannot grasp from where I came from. I became what I really wanted in life. Freed from memory of abhor mockery of existence. When at a time “my own choice” was not a word in the house anymore. It was a struggle to reach out even to my nearest kin for our thoughts and goals to have a covenant on how to outline my very own future.

Ironically, those were also my greatest fears and at the same time my yearning. To be away from my family because all my life I was held up by the neck. They were breathing on my ears what I should have in life, from the girl to the clothes I will wear. The only thing it does not matter to them is how I become financially productive.

I was a great grandson of a Dona (pronounce as donya). A title given to Spanish landlady or the rich and famous. Well, as they say, the second generation keeps the family wealth, the third generation waste it to bankruptcy and the fourth generation suffer the lack of that wealth. Well, I can never miss something I never had. I am from that fourth generation.

Only thing that I know is that I have to exist and get my self a decent life. Hard work and perseverance will get me to where I always wanted to go. Making it my final destination, then I will take a rest. Now being away, gives me a different perspective in life and that is to be someone capable of contributing to the community. Politics is never part of the plan; the plan is to make use of the talent Allah gave me. This way my existence is a living testimony that I was made for a purpose. I want to do that by writing in the most honest and sincerest for people to be entertained and learn something. Going to school is not the only means of education, reading can make the complicated easier and the empty be filled to the fullest. Street smart are better than having someone with a doctorate degree when managing people. Sometimes it is also a matter of common sense and innate goodness that delivers the best part of life.

In my travels and my acquaintances with people from different places equipped me to have a first hand experience with interesting people, places and even gather the most trivial facts. It does not have to be a celebrity to be interesting. All it takes is to be true to reality.

Breathe of Life

A million cells swam and met the egg that created a new creature nine months later.
Keeping the form of the old ruling class of the planet. Taking an ancient composition of flesh and blood. A creature with hands so fragile to hold anything and a sight sensitive to see beyond the bright light. Comes a new individual wanting to squeeze within the space and time loaned to every being temporarily living on this planet

Decades went on and consumed the essence of existence. As time and space, became witness to nurturing life. In every full circle of the man made human cycle of date and time ,we engage ourselves in a celebration of life. A moment which leads to reminisce the cooler side of years, the brighter days of success and the challenging times as a learning experience.

Beyond the youthful time of being the lone communist believing in the Omniscience
. My adolescence period became a stage of learning how to love and fall a part. As an adult believing and achieving was the primary goal of life. Loving which has always been an epitome of existence had given me a sour and sweet share. Life is full of wisdom, which led me to the understand the dynamics of life better. Learned to be with anyone with ease or with tolerance and patience.

They say change is the only thing constant on this planet. I say that age is the only thing on this planet that seems to be growing bigger constantly and making it beyond a mere numerical representation of a human cycle. It is suppose to be an evidence of a nurtured humanity and sensibility.

Three decades later, I try to examine and look not at how much I have monetarily achieved and made a corporate move successful. A step forward, I have not made much dent to the sea of supposedly a replica of the Omnipotent. Making humanity and sensibility a benchmark of how I have made my diurnal existence as an adorned delirium or a festooned of ass-kicking achiever. Poured a serious look at my soul, there is so much pain I have not found a home to keep myself from cold and feeling old. For the only time a man can feel his old age when it cheats itself to the realities and to the emotions bestowed to me by others. I felt sad and thought I have not only violated myself but also those people who were in my past. Then I am old. As long as my life is attached to the ground and my senses can feel the presence of other souls I am not old. If I have achieved something great like say love, promotion or something so significant then the new circle of life should be celebrated always to personally reward itself for the achievement, if not plan again never give up and attain what must be given an attention. No celebration if things screw up.

There was a moment when I was drowned to a wisdom created by inferiority and ridicule my very own sensibility. I made a move to reverberate the human within and make a soul constantly coveting how to improve not only the material wealth but also to woe graces of love, friendship and whatever completes a man.

Again a full circle of my life is closing a gap and add it to three decades of my time.
I can only think of one thing…that is more valuable than anything on planet…GRACE

Thursday, October 21, 2004


Continuing my previous post on rebounding life story is something I can not continue.I am dealing with something more special. A moment came when I felt someone understand me even from a far and without saying a thing. She can hear me. I can feel how she is feeling, our journey here in our adopted land are intertwined not only by chance but by fate.

It was a moment when all that I cherish were falling in pieces. Nothing seems to lift my spirit. Not even the smile that I make is a laugh out of heart and lungs but of an empty brain,wishing someone and something could be sensitive and real. Real in a sense that what I have at the moment is superficial, I need sincerity from a special persson and to be at ease with someone.

Nothing best describe my feeling everytime I see her other than-inspiration. She seems to know what I am feeling. Deep inside I also know what she is feeling but she continue to shroud it as change is difficult to some people.I know what she is thinking in her mind.First, I would like to discuss what she is to me. For some reason,we sometimes do not have to speak our gestures is enough to express.We are at ease with one another.

I would like to nurture what connects us together. Let it grow ,to bring out the best in us. Not only temporary but also in the most days of our inspiring lives. Deep inside in our quiet form, we carry the potential to be sweeter than the sweetest sugar on this planet when expressing our feelings. On how to make the sweetest part of us get together seems to be a burden left on my part. Trying to devise a scheme that will make our lives closer as than before.If you look at a map,you will see lines,connecting each streets to give direction.I will make that lines that will connect me to her. Shortest distance between two points is a line.I shall create one.I have the fire to reach her heart. I am not going to make that fire get extinguish by intimidation from the previous people who also made it difficult for me to cope because they are more of mongers than human beings.

She is sensitive and the sweetest person I met in my lifetime.Her personality seems to draw people nearer to her beauty and I can feel her uncommon kindness. A future with her will not be difficult.

Tick, tack, tick, tack, is my time running out. Trying to remember the music that I used that made me win hearts of women. That scheme is old ,it is for a common woman. This woman is extra-special and she gathered what I really wanted in a girl. I have to approach her in the most conscious way, finding the key to that scheme is an emotionally technical endeavor. A calculated approach,otherwise losing her will be the most frustating part of my life.

This is not just another woman as an object for a rebound but this is the real thing. Every moment is a calculated risk, wearing a perfect loving heart to show her in my most imperfect me. Love is my strongest weapon that directed me to manifest the uniqueness of my friendship and expression.

All that went into my life is a learning moment and right now is the moment that I will prove what I learned in my lifetime ,the value that I will put in everything that I offer with my emotion.

Complicated in a way, difficult in every second but easy if we are in the same direction. All honesty and all sincerity is present. Nothing is small or big everything is important.

Plant needs water,if you leave it. Someone else will water it for you. The plant you never water will not remember you,but it remembers better the one who gave the water everyday. You may have made a familiarity with the plant but it is not that familiarity that nurtured it , it is the everyday of care that makes it grow and the moment when it is cold and lonely that whoever makes it warm it remembers. It remembers the one who put water more than the one who is far yet loving.

This is the time that makes sinking our heart in a quagmire for many valid reasons. We rationalize. We protect. You see-we protect the situation not the people involve in the situation. It is common denial stage of human beings. Out of pride or out of need,fear of change, fear of learning and out of fear in adjusting again. We are an open target of the dictates of societal ego tripping and psychological bonding.We sometimes stick it out,because of what people will say. Psychological bonding, trapped in our world for fear of losing or hurting some.For fear of making a change and adjusting again.What is love,where you can not find it to be near,where is love when you can not feel it. If it can not make you feel that emotion near or a heartbeat away from you or fill in the gap or give warmth on a coldest night and a bridge you can rely on at times of trouble. What purpose does it serve? The reality is that we can not touch what is far from us, what we really want is someone to be there, a touch that will keep us warm and secure. A touch that will pamper us, a touch that will make two beings becoming one...not in distance but up close and personal. I would say,.....I do not want to discuss further. I told her about it already.

I saw my day brigthen and renewed because of that special woman. She likes pink and red,pink is a color of gentleness and red is color of love. A combination perfect to her personality-she is pretty in pink. Always pretty...

She is my inspiration and I adore her more than I have adored someone. Somehow fate works in the most mysterious way. I remember someone doing some reading on me telling at this moment, I will have someone special. I said who is she, the person replied she is brunette.Hell, I do not know anyone with a brunette hair.The american psychic reader said she wants red.Hmmm...the fortune teller was referring to red color and pink. The second reading with another person said the same thing, without saying anything to them.hayy..this my life at the moment in Malaysia....I am far from home. The good thing about life here is her-I found my inspiration. Thank you whoever made me meet her..I can make my life better. I am inspired to do it because of her. I hope I can be there for her all the time.